Why do feel alone

Most people try to deny they're lonely, or they assume they must just be anxious or depressed. Many people are ashamed to admit they feel lonely because they associate the experience with social isolation and otherness, he adds.

But refusing to come to terms with your loneliness means putting off your chance to do something about it. Now, this doesn't mean you should necessarily lean into the loneliness simply because others are dealing with it, too, Rokach warns.

It's a great opportunity to remember that, just like anyone else, you have the power to get yourself out of this situation. Though there are things you can do to help yourself feel less lonely, they're not all foolproof. People won't want to make connections with you, they'll be too busy, or you'll still end up feeling lonely—it happens.

Those moments will be tough, he explains, but the key is to persevere anyway. You won't want to at the time, but if you set out to tackle your loneliness knowing it's a win-some-lose-some game, you won't be so quick to give up. Because of all the shameful and self-critical feelings that accompany loneliness, a common reaction is to kid yourself into thinking you don't actually need anyone, things are better this way, and you'll do just fine on your own, Rokach explains. You might actually believe that for a while, too.

Down the line, however, this response will be harmful—to your mental and physical health. People need people, and everyone needs to feel loved.

So, as soon as you can put a label to your loneliness, it's time to try and do something about it. This is one of those pieces of advice you've surely been given before, but never actually committed to. Now's the time to give it a real shot. Just dedicating 15 minutes per day to jotting down special moments you've shared with friends and family can be enough to overcome negative feelings, Cacioppo explains.

Don't have 15 minutes? You can still cherish your most special memories with a One Line A Day journal. The process will remind you you're not alone, and the memories are bound to improve your mood. Smiling at yourself in the mirror is an unusual ask—Cacioppo gets it. So, she recommends closing your eyes and thinking of the last time you made someone smile or laugh and let your body do the rest.

Will it feel strange? But, will it help? Also yes. Just thinking of a time when you were feeling giddy will automatically bring a smile to your face—a move that will set off all those feel-good neurotransmitters in your brain and trick you into feeling happier than you were just a few secs before. Loneliness can hit anyone at any time. But it's true that a lot of people tend to feel lonely during big life events. Maybe your parents are getting separated. All of these things could be making you feel lonely and lost, and you might find it hard to connect with people around you.

Here are a few quick dot points that cover some of the ways you can start feeling more at peace with the people in your life:. It's not always easy to find the right place to start.

Our 'What's on your mind? Why do people feel lonely? Here are a few of the main ones: Feeling distant from friends. Being single. Not fitting in. Almost 2 yrs now. Am lonely, sad depress and yearning to be in the arms of a msn, which have yet to do. I am a beautifull pracefull new city. The part i live it is upscsle. No one around to interact with. Working on self help via internet information.

I stop. My story is like that bit i realy will fell alone even though i have friends but not Many but this things make me feel alone.

I was just crying and now I feel a bit better? I always have troubles with crying because it makes me feel weak…. Especially if it is something I love, like my writing. I immediately feel guilty and start beating myself up at the same time I fight with that inner critic. My parents never seem interested in anything and I am always the one starting conversations when I am around people, I do wait for others to start them or to ask me questions, but nobody ever does, my dad has never asked me about anything, my mom does occasionally, but I feel only half the time is listening.

My loneliness is getting worse. You have just describes my feelings that lead me hear. I hope everyone finds it. It being whatever drives your day.

Im tired of searching. I understand you Michelle. I came from Europe to US. Prior to coming to US I was struggling, maybe more than you do, but now even if I have everything that I ever wanted I still feel alone. I have a husband who loves me and a little girl but I still need friends, true friends with whom to do things. So, like you I thought that having everything will make me happy but I am not, at least not always. We need this balance, financial security, family who loves us but also friends.

I had the chance to experience a different life style in Europe. I miss people caring about you, getting together with cousins, neighbors coming to your house and looking in your fridge or borrowing things. But when I was there all I needed was to have financial security. I thought that this could make you happy but is not like that. We need all of it to be happy. I live for my little girl and I really hope that she will not be like me. I am hesitating to talk to strangers and if someone talks to me I stay away.

Hang in there Michelle and try to find your hope somewhere to help you feel a little better. I feel better that I am not alone feeling like this even if this might sound cruel. I genuinely want happiness for all the people in the world. I moved 3 years ago from my hometown to the US and it was extremely difficult. Making friends here is just not a natural thing to do. I tried so many times to get closer to people in the U.

I had friends I trusted and loved, people who cared about me… my family issues are never ending because of my sexuality, and when I decided to come out hell let lose.. I know leaving was the best thing I ever did… but yet.. A lot of people tell me it has to come from within.. I honestly can tell you because I started relying on myself..

I thought why do I need people? I have an extreme trust issues… and I need to overcome it.. I just think I need friends and a life that has meaning …. I love all of u becuz we are all experiencing the same feelings. The root cause of it all is fear and lack of love. I have a chronic illness that has required me to file SSD. I got approved and it has hit me like I have been sentenced to life in prison.

I had a HUGE social network. The few times I have gone out in the past 3 yrs I feel like a fraud because you can not look at me and tell I have a chronic disease.

So I hide and die a little more each day. I have a chronic illness too. So, I get it, I really do. You are not alone. Whitney — OMG I am going through the same thing and have no family. I was always independent financially and the illness ruined me.

From the outside I had it all, but on the inside I never did. OMG……I feel the same way. It is horrible……and I feel like i have painted myself into a corner.

What can we do. It feels like I am slowly dying…………………….. If you look up dr sebi electric food list on his site…Imaybe you can try to change your eating habits and get some suppoements that may help.

I posted this for everybody with your issue to at least give it a try. I wish you and everyone else well. I feel like I need that one person I could talk to that relates to me. I feel the same and I blame myself or the cultural differences. This was very helpful i wont lie i was on the verge of suicided i thought things would never change and that i couldnt talk to anyone cause they didnt understand me but reading this has given me hope on life again.

It happened to me too but God gave me hope. I swear, hope saves you from anything, you just need to find it. Cj Major hugs to you hun. You hang onto that hope forever. It could even be a happy memory, even tho I know those are hard to think of at times like this.

Hi Claire I totally know how you feel except from a stay at home dad with 3 children point of view. I wasnt the most social person even before I had kids. My wife and I dont really have any personal friends.

Being a stay at home is tough even though I go to childrens playgroups its not like I get real close to other mums as being a guy theirs a line that is drawn.

My wife wants me to go back to work to get back my self confidence mainly and well extra income as well even though we wouldnt get any further ahead as children daycare costs etc. Eventually it will happen though, I try an remain optimistic. Hi Dawson. Have you thought of part time work? Or volunteering? You really need some guy friends which is hard to do when you are stay at home dad. Even if there are extra costs associated with childcare, your mental health is worth more.

Or perhaps you can trade with a mother of the classmates where you look after her kids one day and she does the next. Baby steps huh. Just baby steps. I tell him that I always have to fish the words out of him. I want so much a better life quality. I want her to be happy with me and not inherit this behavior from me.

Where do you live? Men like to fix things, solution oriented. That would be unfair burden. You have luxury of not having to work or maybe you would like to work? They have been life saver for me especially since I have worsening chronic illness. Like Dawson and all of us, baby steps. Next day, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try again. There are no rules or failures. Hi Alina I thought that finding a mate would help me but your post has given me second thoughts?

Wish you luck Mike. Like a lot of people here, I feel chronically isolated and lonely. I am 27, single, no friends and unemployed. Any conversation I have with strangers or family is brief and superficial.

I posted a comment here, earlier, reaching out for help but my message was excluded. Thank you for reaching out. When we feel isolated and alone, we often turn against ourselves, which makes it difficult to reach out and break the pattern of loneliness.

However, if you are feeling alone, reaching out to any friends and family even by phone or online can help to break that pattern. I understand that this feels very difficult to do. Even making new friends in online discussion forums can help you feel more connected to others, especially if they share similar interests. Some people find that they feel better being around other people, even just reading a book or going online in a coffee shop can feel less isolating than being at home alone.

Lisa Firestone suggests that individuals who feel chronically isolated participate in volunteer work, because reaching out to others has many benefits for mental health, including helping people feel less isolated and alone.

Many people have found therapy to be incredibly helpful. If you are interested in pursuing therapy, here is good resource to help locate a therapist in your area. You do not have to be suicidal in order to call the Lifeline. Also, if you are feeling depressed, I encourage you to read this article on 8 Ways to Actively Fight Depression. I know it is very tough. I have a sister and even she is far away from me I talk to her on skype and she always encourages me. This is what I do, I want to find peace, and be strong for my little girl.

I know, I feel the same. Hey CJ I understand your struggle buddy. I am also an only child. I am actually also The older I get.. Rainer Maria Rilke once said that to confront our solitude is very difficult. For something to be so difficult is one more reason for us to do it. The benefits of doing something we would rather not or fear doing can be vast in self accomplishment.

Even if it is something as hard as spendin your time with yourself. I hope this message makes it to you in time brother. The stream of consciousness that runs throughout all of us is strong in me. Or if your life had no purpose. Yet I love you. Hi Gil, My son is an only child and I am worried sick. I have family but they can care less about me and my son.

It sucks so bad. We are always alone. Someone please help me. But most importantly, he just wants to express his feelings by talking to someone- anyone- or writing down how he feels. Please jst let him know how you feel about him and find him something that can make him forget about his bad thoughts. Hey, I feel exactly like u. Actually I also suffer from social anxiety and am on a mental health care plan. I feel stupid a lot… And i feel like people think i might be stupid but are just trying to be nice.

I feel super sad right now… I really want someone to talk to, and to love. Since January, my sleeping pattern has gone all wrong, I sleep late at night and end up waking up at 4pm. I have been feeling very lonely and its like my mind is not looking forward to the next day so I just sleep it away. With the few hours of day I have left I go on youtube to watch some videos. And since my mind is still somewhat active, I end up sleeping very late. And felling nervous of wasting the whole day because i sleep late.

I know uncertainty is a reality for everyone, but it really shook me just now. I constantly feel unworthy to be in this position and often feel like the outcast in social situations. I have mastered the art. I had an eating disorder bulimia in varying degrees of severity sometimes not for a couple months, but I would be taking a lot of drugs for 5 years, but that ended about 18months ago.

Not having drugs and alcohol and turning to this old form of self-abuse is making me think I legitimately have a mental health issue that I need to talk to someone about.

I wish I could access a counselling service here like back home! In the meantime I hope this post acts as a cathartic practise and I know I need to start meditating and building up my self-worth third chakra or whatever you want to call it. Hopefully then I will feel more comfortable with myself and stop worrying all the time! Thanks for reading if you got this far! I am sorry that you have been experiencing such strong feelings of isolation. It sounds like you have overcome a lot, like breaking your self-abuse with drugs and alcohol.

It would be great to find some form of therapeutic support while you are on your exchange. I wake up in the late afternoon till the early morning.

Before I lived with my 2 brothers, my uncle, and grandpa. Especially when my brothers go out to have fun, and comes back for how many days without permission, they were never scolded. As a girl, I told them where I was going, and it was 8 at night, they called my friends parents to ask them where I was. I was greatly humiliated at school. It was unfair for me. It felt like I had no freedom. Now that me and my 2 bros moved to where our parents are, I got closer to my brothers.

My physical appearance change drastically… I gained 50 pounds, and gained pimples because of puberty. I have friends that are girls too, and I share some of my personal stuff to them.

I still feel lonely and depressed. Whenever my brothers or father invite a guy to our house, I feel isolated. When my brother goes out to drink with guys friends, he would invite my other brother, but of course since I was a girl, and the youngest… I was never invited.

I started cutting myself out of boredom. It helps me suppress my urge to want something, and cry because of some food I want to eat that I will never get for example.

I talk to myself, laugh by myself, I let out my emotions silently that nobody will ever notice. Then, as it continued, I hear my self thinking about bad stuff. Thinking about doing something bad to my good friends, and to strangers or characters I just made up in my mind. When my oldest brother saw the cuts, he looked at me like I was some fuckin devil. I tried my best to hide it, and when I saw how he looked at me. I was deeply sad and depressed.

I hated everything. I always ask God… especially, when we had bible study, I was still the only girl at first.. I want to cut myself right now, but there are visitors… so maybe later.

I feel lonely…. We read your comment and know it takes courage to reach out when you are in distress. Often when we feel isolated, we turn against ourselves and find it difficult to reach out for help.

However, we want you to know that help is available and there is hope. PsychAlive is not a counseling site, but we can offer resources where you can get assistance 24 hours per day. If you are in the U. It is especially important to reach out when you are feeling isolated and have the desire to harm yourself. We hope that you remain safe and continue to reach out. Please do not do anything to hurt yourself. If you feel your Critical Inner Voice has taken you over, you may benefit from seeking professional help.

Hi Aaron, what do you meaning your critical inner voice has taken over and WON?? This helped a lot. It is amazing to see how many people face this loneliness syndrome. I for example have felt very lonely for years despite having a family and kids. But I never wanted them to solve my problems. I am separated now living in another state and when I go out, I look good, exercise, eat right, have a job, am 50 now and it seems like I am out of touch with everyone else.

I find it hard to meet people that have things in common with me now. Reaching to younger people and especially the opposite sex is a big waste of time and effort because I think they now see me as old even though I have no grey hair or look older than my age.

In fact I look younger and energetic. I see everyone with friends, girlfriends, wives, all hanging out and I am the only person out there with nobody to hang out with despite several meetup tries. I thought that God just made me different than everybody else and not meant to have friends or company after work or on weekends. I spend a lot of time alone and live alone. Part of me thinks that maybe evil surrounds us to make us feel terrible and that we have to break this thinking pattern and start believing that God can work miracles in our lives and changes these feelings of self-destruction.

I am going to work out more and build my body stronger and work on my mind so it is stronger. Joining a church might help too. I think that all evil feelings must come from evil and all good feelings must come from God. So why waste my life away feeling sorry for myself? Worst comes to worst, I will just become my own very best friend.

Some very old people seem to have a handle on this and feel happy even at their old age so why should I be in self-pity mode all the time? No more. Today I will change for the better and never look back. Best of luck to all of us lonely people who feel weird among other people. We are one. We are not alone. Nicely stated Sir. Good for you and I wish you the best going forward. We can ever completely escape the negative or isolated thoughts that occasionally rush up on us that we are lonely.

Last summer I had two butterflies who apparently had taken up residence in my backyard somewhere. I would see them almost daily running around the couple of hundred square feet.

Best of luck to you. Please check in and share how you are doing. I know I am allowing little things and annoying people get to me, but maybe it is a good thing. I have such pent-up emotion, I need to release it before I explode. So I am trying to look at it as positive. On the other hand, I may only be fooling myself.

I sure hope not! This article is utter crap. The natural bonding is just not there. Did the author stop to consider the poor advice contained in this article?

The words may work for people who like to pretend they are lonely, but you have NEVER experienced real loneliness unless you have solipsism. This article should come with a warning. Are you an expert or a Doctor? Stupid comments like that are the reason why these problems go unresolved. How dare you judge anyone elses feelings.. Learn to have an open mind and heart and know that no one is right or wrong in there experiences.

Andy, I think you are a tad harsh. I know a little bit about Asperger but not enough to totally understand the isolation you must be feeling. I agree. There is loneliness that is the result of being isolated from other, and there is loneliness which is the result of being separate from the self. This second state is irreparable and cannot be undone by social contact. I posit that this second state is far worse than the former. I am so glad to see this topic of discussion I have a critical inner voice not often representative of what is happening in reality, though sometimes these thoughts happen when a situation happens where it triggers me to question my self worth.

First off I really want a girlfriend and too get laid more often. I also am Catholic and go to church am involved at my church but the parishioners are older and I have not met anyone. I have had sex in midlife and had a girlfriend a few yrs ago. I used to be painfully shy with women and im trying to overcome that by making eye contact and at places like the gym or coffee hour after mass making conversation, but I do get nervous when an attractive woman is around me as negative thought after negative thought fires up, that she thinks im ugly, desperate, gay , a rapist, stalker and from an outsiders view this would seem ridiculous and unreasonable.

But inside my own head I start to get anxiety and these thoughts go. While it can be fun to catch up on a surface level, it doesn't necessarily make you feel closer to those around you.

You can, theoretically, have a million friends, but if you don't invest time and energy into them, it's likely you'll continue feeling lonely. Of course, developing relationships is a two-way street: Becoming closer to a person doesn't mean you're dumping all of your problems on them, but that you're developing a connection and forming a bond that is mutually beneficial.

Close friends can't solve your problems; they can only offer support. Furthermore, it's your job to support them when they need it, too.

Ever feel like people don't really know you?